Too Little Too Late

I would just like to stay that I am angry, which is a vast improvement from where I was last night when I received a message on FB from the sperm donor. Six months of silence and then this?

He sent this long message saying that he missed me, and that he has been having a really bad time. (boo hoo!) Apparently, he is having to play daddy all by himself for the first time. He says he has a new appreciatiton for everything I did for him and the girls, but he made little mention of my girl. It is like she doesn't even matter. He just wants to make a play at my heart strings to see if I will come clean up his mess, again, since that what I always did for him.

At first, my reaction to such a plea was vile. Then it made me angry that it made me so angry. Luckily a dear friend was able to help me see why I was feeling the way I was. It made me angry to know that he is still a narcissistic jerk. He is only concerned about himself and getting what he wants. He has no concern about me or my daughter. The man is simply having a pity party. School is out, and he is overwhelmed. There is also the fact that his court date is eminent. He is probably just panicking and in need of a babysitter while he is in jail.  So basically, he doesn't miss me. He needs me.

All of this just reaffirms my decision to protect her from him. Sometimes I feel like maybe my decision might have been made for the wrong reasons though I know it is the right decision. He is not a good man or a good influence, but sometimes I get satisfaction out of spiting him. When I told this to my friend she explained that my decision and my feelings are justified, but I need to forgive him. YIKES!

For the first time, thoughts of forgiveness entered my mind. Until last night, I had been more focused on forgetting him! But she is right. Some days I am consumed by thoughts of all of the wrong he did to us. If I do not forgive then this will continue to be a weight on my shoulders. I do not need the pain or the struggle, and he does not deserve to have that hold on me. If I do not let go of these feelings, he will always have a grip on my life. I need to forgive what happened for me because my anger only effects me.

To be honest though, the idea of forgiving him made me upset at first because I was thinking that it meant condoning his actions, but its not. It simply means accepting what happened and letting it go. I need to do this not just for me but for Cote. I don't need to let my grudge interfere with my relationship with my daughter. I do not want to let my anger or bias effect her in any way. I want to be the best parent I can be for her, and when she is old enough to understand I will let her make her own decisions in regards to him. If she decides to meet him, I will help her. At that time, if he hurts her or disappoints her I will be there to support her. Maybe he will have grown up by then and wont let her down. I can only hope!

Until then, I plan to do everything I can to keep my distance. I just hope he doesn't turn ugly in the mean time. Maybe his stint in jail will help....

Sigma Dry 'N Shape Review

Finally! Yesterday I received my Dry 'N Shape from Sigma!! It was on back order, so it took a while to get it here. Last night, I decided to try it out. I shampooed all of my Sigma brushes and slipped them into each individual slot. The elastic was rather tight, so some of the brushes were harder to squeeze in. They just had a more snug fit. Then I stood it up so that the bristles faced downward. By doing this, water did not slip back into the farrell and mess up the seal of the brush around the bristles.

This morning when I checked all my brushes, they were perfectly dry!! I was surprised because the last time I washed my brushes it took days for them to be completely dry! It was also great how all of the bristles were laying perfectly. The brushes looked like new! I definitely would recommend this product. Though it may seem like a waste of money ($29) when you could just lay the brushes flat on a towel, but this product speeds up the process and completely restores the brushes. And if you use the product to hold the brushes upside down, you save money on brushes in the long run!!

This is a strong investment!!!!

Some Assembly Required

MY ASS!!

I have decided that some assembly required is the understatement of the year! Every thing baby related requires complete assembly. Which is all fine and great when you are not 38.5 weeks pregnant!! I do not think the manufacturers consider that maybe, just maybe, a pregnant woman will be assembling these items by herself!! and it is no walk in the park! Not to complain, but DAMN!! Give a girl a break! There has got to be a better way that is more mom-friendly! I'm just saying!!

Ive had to assembly...

my Simmons Gliding Sooth Bassinet

my Chicco Lullaby Magic Playard

my Graco Sweet Snuggle Swing

my Comfort & Harmony Cradling Bouncer

And I have yet to assemble...

my Baby Einstein Musical Motion 2-in-1 Staionary Jumper and Entertainer!

All of these items are wonderful, and I am very grateful to each person that gave these items to us!! They can each be purchased at Babies R' Us. I just wish they came pre-assembled!! (or maybe with a hunky assembly guy ;))

"The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding" Review

Last night, I finally finished reading The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding. It was written by a group of La Leche League women who share their advice on every topic imaginable that relates to breastfeeding. This book seems to be the encyclopedia of breastfeeding.

As a soon-to-be first-time-mother, I was very unsure of the concept of breastfeeding. I had heard a little about it, but the idea of doing it myself was very foreign. I do not personally have any experience with it (obviously) and do not know many women who do. I had every intention of bottle feeding formula, but I decided to get all of my facts first. One day while I was at Babies R' Us I saw this book and figured I'd give it a try. Now, I firmly believe that it was the best purchase I could have made.

After reading The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding, I now feel informed enough to make a decision. I have decided that "breast is best," and I want to give it a try. I feel fully prepared to proceed on this adventure. I have the facts I needed and all the advice I didn't know that I needed. This book has been a great resource, and I know I will continue to turn to it in the future for guidance.

A great feature that this book offers, besides the step by step guidance, is a collection of tear-sheets in the back. These are pages of advice and quick, helpful tools for breastfeeding mothers, their partners, etc. These can be torn out and used any time. The tear-sheets are handy cheat sheets when you don't have time to read a whole chapter.

I would recommend this book to any woman, new mom or seasoned pro. I believe that it has something to offer everyone. Honestly, I would even recommend it to caregivers as well. I think it will help others to understand and appreciate the decisions of a breastfeeding mother (especially after the controversial cover of TIME Magazine.)

TWO THUMBS-UP!!

My First "Mother's Day"

Yesterday was so fun!! I returned some of my duplicate items from the shower and was able to get everything else that I still needed!! With money left over, I am completely prepared for my baby to make her debut!! But, what really made yesterday exciting was the fact that it was Mother's Day! I did not expect it, but so many people told me "Happy Mother's Day!" It was crazy! I definitely did not think I would be hearing that for at least a year! It was even more special when my little brother called! Of course, he added "old lady" at the end, but it was cool to hear from him none the less! And yesterday was the first time that he actually seemed interested in his niece! He was asking about her due date, and he told me he thinks he might be around. He genuinely seemed excited which made my heart swell!! Then, my day was rounded out by dinner with the my own mom!! It was great to get to share dinner with her and her mother and some more close family members!! All in all, it was a wonderful day!

The Truth About Stretch Marks

It has come to my attention that I have been extremely naive throughout my pregnancy. Here I was thinking that if I coat myself with lotion every day that I would be able to avoid the horror that is stretch marks. Boy was I wrong. I have used Palmer's Cocoa Butter on my stomach and chest every single day since I found out I was pregnant, and horrifying enough- I have developed stretch marks. And when I say stretch marks, I do not just mean the silverish lines that are hardly noticeable. Oh No!! We are talking dark red, bruise-like stretch marks. They are on my sides and the under side of my tummy. They itch and they hurt and they make me sad.

Everyone told me that if I used lotion religiously that I would be fine. I also heard that stretch marks are genetic. Lucky me, my mom did not have stretch marks so I shouldn't either right? Wrong! So I have come to the conclusion that it doesn't matter what preventative measures you take. If you are meant to get stretch marks, You Will!! Depressing, I know.

I guess now, all I can do now is "treat" my stretch marks. I think I'll probably try Moderma and hope for the best. If that doesn't work, then I will search for another cure. Till then...

Garnier Fructis Review

Since I have been pregnant, my poor hair has taken a turn for the worse. It does not help that I am trying desperately to grow out a perm that has completely fried my hair. All that to say, it has been a real challenge to make my hair look healthy again. My daily routine was simply to shampoo with Head and Shoulders and then use some inexpensive grocery store conditioner. The shampoo does a great job of cleaning out all of the product, but it also over strips the hair of any natural oils. The oils were not hardly being replaced or replenished by the conditioner, so I decided I had to try something different. Being that I live on a budget, my options were limited.

Enter Garnier Fructis!

I was torn between Granier Fructis and Herbal Essences because they are both pretty good and really inexpensive. Since I already use the Garnier Fructis styling products I figured that was the way to go.

I decided to try the their Triple Nutrition line. This was probably the best decision I could have possibly made. The Triple Nutrition is made of three natural oils: olive, avocado, and shea. It is supposed to replace the oils in dry, damaged hair. This scared me at first because I have naturally oily hair but because it is also fortifying I decided to take a gamble. And I completely hit the jackpot. This shampoo and conditioner is absolutely miraculous. Instantly, while still in the shower, I could already feel a difference in my hair. It just felt softer and smoother and quite frankly... yummy! When my dries after using it, it looks noticeably better! It was incredible how one use could make such a difference.

Then for extra measure I also purchased the Nutrient Spray. It is also from the Triple Nutrition line. To use it, simply spray it on your damp or dry hair. To test it, I sprayed it on my arm first and rubbed it it. It did not leave any kind of messy residue or oils. That was my first sign that this spray was going to be a miracle in a bottle. When I applied it to my hair, the results were beautiful. I tried it once after I used that shampoo and conditioner, but it was hard to notice how effective it truly was. However, when I used the spray after my Head and Shoulders routine the difference was incredible. It truly does nourish and shine. I am careful not to spray too much towards my roots just in case, but i recommend this product to anyone with sad hair. The line so far has left me very pleased. And I only spent around eight dollars on the whole set. It does not get much better than that!!!!