Dressing Post Pregnancy

Ever since having Cote, I have been having some body issues. While I was pregnant I gained around 47 pounds which is a LOT! I have lost just over half of it, but most of that is weight from the baby and such. What is left is not very attractive.

It has been difficult adjusting after looking like this....

Now I have some serious hips and loads of stretch marks. Oh, and a double chin!

So a couple days ago I went shopping (courtesy of my daddy), and I got some outfits that are much more appropriate for my new body. They are cinched just below the chest and loose around the waist. It is much more flattering, and I feel so much more confident in these clothes.

But, another struggle that I found was finding clothes that will also make breastfeeding easy. Access to the girls is very important, so I had to keep that in mind while picking everything out.

Below is a video of everything I got...

Enjoy :)

Clogged Ducts

Let me just start by saying that clogged ducts hurt like hell!! I woke up on Friday with a stabbing pain in my left breast, and the only diagnosis that I could come up with was a clogged duct. The tender area was very hard and had an elevated temperature. I thought maybe it would pass quickly if I nursed on that side but no such luck.

As the day progressed I started to feel worse. My symptoms were flu-like and I started to have a fever. It climbed all the way up to 102 degrees. I took Tylenol as directed and a hot shower. The heat of the shower was supposed to help loosen up the duct, but it was only slightly. I attempted to hand express and pump to clear the duct.

The next morning there was no improvement, and my symptoms from the day before basically repeated. I made sure to nurse as often as possible and to pump. That and heat are the only "treatments." The fever also came back, but the Tylenol helped to keep it under control.

By day 3 everything was much better. My breast was still tender but nothing like it had been, and Cote Bear was doing a great job of keeping it emptied. ;)

Something I noticed about the milk that was pumped during this time was that it smelled and tasted sour. I just pumped and dumped for the time being. I am not sure if the two were related, but I assume the clog effected the milk. Just an interesting side effect that I noted.

Anyways, all of that to say that clogged ducts are no fun, but they can be avoided by making sure the breast is thoroughly emptied regularly!!

Good Luck!

A Link in the Chain

When I found out that I was pregnant I went to half price books to find some help. While I was there I found a book called "The Girlfriend's Guide to Pregnancy."

This book was a must have when I read the note that was written on the inside.

I instantly felt like I was apart of something, and I wanted to be able to become another link in this chain. It reminded me of the Flat Stanley that we did in school that was sent to many people, connecting each one to the next.

Well I finally decided who I wanted to send the book to... While I was pregnant I watched a YouTube vlogger named Judy at ItsJudyTime and ItsJudysLife. She is beauty guru and very entertaining. I still watch her every morning with Cote who is also a big fan. She always smiles when she hears Judy say "Good Morning!"... Anyways, Judy found out she was pregnant with a little girl while I was still pregnant, so she is a perfect recipient. I hope she will appreciate the concept and pass the book on as well.

Yesterday I sent the book off to her with a couple of outfits. Hopefully she will receive it soon! She does videos of gifts she receives in the mail, so maybe I will get to see her open it too!! If so, I will share the video on here!

I'm excited!!

The Topic of Terror

BREASTFEEDING...

That's right! I said it!

Breastfeeding...

This seems to be an extremely controversial topic, and I cannot for the life of me understand why. Since the beginning of time breastfeeding was the only way to sustain life for a newborn, so why now does it seem to be frowned upon so much.

In the home breastfeeding is generally very accepted. There is not a need to duck out to feed your child because it is a family decision and a lifestyle. Or so one may think... When I am at home, I can nurse freely until others come over. I am then forced to cover up and even encouraged to go to another room...

At family events logic would say that nursing openly should be accepted, but that is not the case for me. When I am around family, but not at my house, I am strongly encouraged to excuse myself to a room by myself...

Out in public I feel like conservative nursing should also be accepted, but oh boy is that wrong. When nursing in public I feel extremely judged, so I am generally forced to go hide in a bathroom to feed my baby...

My question: WHY?!?

Breastfeeding is the most natural and purest form of feeding a child. It is the method intended by God to nourish our young. So why is it such a controversy?

BECAUSE PEOPLE ARE STUPID!

I understand that breasts are very signalised in today's society, but that is only the case in a particular context. There is nothing sexual about sustaining life and feeding a child. A mother who nurses her child is giving them the best health care available. Breast milk is constantly altering itself to cater to the baby it is nourishing, always giving the baby exactly what it needs. Absolutely zero bad comes from it, and yet women are forced to hide and feel ashamed of this choice.

Or at least that is the way I feel...

I feel trapped at home because I am too scared to go out. I know that I only have a certain amount of time to be out and about before Cote will need to eat again. Then what? Recently I have discovered that my baby will NOT take a bottle, so pumping is irrelevant and not an option...
That means I can only nurse her...
Which means I either face judgment and ridicule and harassment...
OR
Hide in a room by myself or a public restroom..
Neither of those options are appealing to me!
Therefore I stay home.

I will not give up breastfeeding until my daughter tells me she is done, so what am I supposed to do? If people would recognize breastfeeding for what it is, NOURISHMENT, then I would not be stuck in this position. It is hard enough to maintain a strong breastfeeding relationship due to so many other challenges that criticism and judgement should not be an issue. Nursing mothers deserve encouragement from everyone around them, and yet...

RANT: I have even faced criticism from medical professionals. At Cote's sonogram the other day the nurses repeatedly asked me to give her a pacifier or bottle to soothe her. Eventually they got aggravated with me and openly showed their annoyance with the fact that I did not have either to give her (because she refuses them both.) Instead of being supportive of the fact that I have chosen to breastfeed my baby and allow me to nurse her till she calmed, the nurses simply pinned Cote down harder and continued on with their business. And I must say that this pissed me the %&*# off! It seems like no matter where I am I run into a wall when it comes to simply feeding my baby girl.

I truly do not know what to do. I guess I need to be more brazen with my choice or become a permanent recluse... I just wish I could get a little support. Its freaking hard being a single mother who breastfeeds.
Can we just give a girl a break??

<3

This Ain't No Joke

Lately I have been feeling like I am at my wits end. Every day seems like a new test of my sanity. Sometimes I just feel so overwhelmed that I do not know what to do. I knew motherhood would be tough, but I do not think I considered exactly how difficult it would be by myself. I feel alone and like I have been left behind.

While I was pregnant there were so many people that claimed they would be there to help me in this way or that, but I feel like none of those promises were fulfilled. And I'm not mad about this because people have their own lives, but I just wish people would have listened when I tried to voice my concerns instead of offering false promises. Now my concerns are all coming to life, and there is no where to turn. It seems like now I just constantly receive criticism about how I need to change my parenting. The advice is unsolicited and generally uninformed. It also usually has an adverse effect of making me feel more inadequate. For once I would like some reassurance or simply not to discuss my parenting at all.

Also, I hate the constant reminder on my lack of a partner. I already wage war in mind every day about what happened. I do not need to be reminded at every turn. I'd appreciate it if people would not discuss my business. Yes, it was a bad situation, but it was my bad situation. I feel like that means no one else really needs to be talking about it. The discussion just adds to my struggle. It is hard enough to know that my daughter will not be blessed with the experience of having a father. I do not need to hear it out loud.

I don't know what more to say... I just feel so overwhelmed sometimes and extremely alone when it comes to parenting. And I am alone... After all I am her only parent. I mean Dad is here to help every night, but he already does so much for us...

Then there is the stress of school approaching. I do not know how I will handle it all. Balancing homework and parenting is going to be extremely challenging. Also breast feeding is very important to me, and I do not want it to be sacrificed by the separation. Formula is a VERY last resort. And then there is just the separation anxiety. She has been my life for the past 38 days and will be until school starts. I worry about both of our reactions to the separation. And I confess.. I don't really trust other people with her (no offense), but I work so hard at a certain style of parenting which people obviously do not agree with (as seen by the constant criticism). I would like it to be maintained, but I know it won't be.

Basically I am at odds with the world right now. And I kick myself every time I get frustrated with my baby. After all she is just a baby... And she always does something so loving to make me feel even worse about my frustration. She just needs her mommy...

It's all just a never ending circle. Each problem just ties to another, but at the end of the day I am a single parent. That is the sum of my life...

Lord, help me!