The Sperm Donor

I have been doing a lot of thinking and research in regards to the topic of "daddy." From what I have found, even if I wanted to, I cannot put his name on the birth certificate. In the state of Texas, he must be present to claim paternity. That being said, I have been following his probation. There has been an adjudication of guilt, so I am assuming he is being taken off probation and will have to serve the time. If I remember correctly, he will have to serve 180 days. Assuming it starts in the next couple of months, it may be safe to say that he will not be at the hospital. His absense should take some stress away from the special day, which is great.

However, I am not so naive to think that nothing will ever happen in regards to paternity. I am planning to speak to an attorney before Cote gets here just to be prepared. But with his criminal record, violation of probation, and complete lack of responsibility in all regards, there shouldn't be much to worry about. He will have to do a lot to gain access to her. If he is willing to make the effort though, I will be cooperative.

On that note, I have been putting a lot of thought into how I will handle this situation with Cote. As of right now I am working on the assumption that he will not be involved, and I will be single. If she asks about him, I am simply going to tell her that things did not work out between he and I. I will give her more as she gets older, and I will be honest. Until she is old enough to understand, I ask that no one speak poorly of him to her. Then, if one day she decides she wants to find him, I will help her. I want her to feel comfortable talking to me about him, so I can protect her if she ever seeks him out.

I also plan to explain to her the difference between a dad and a father. She does have a father: a man involved in the creation of a baby. She may or may not have a dad: a man who loves her and cherishes her, wants the best for her, will protect her, and always be there for her. BUT her sperm donor is not her dad. 

She also deserves to know about her sisters, so I will show her pictures when she is old enough to understand and if I feel it is appropriate. I do not want her to have any feeling of inadequacy or anything because he takes care of his "other" daughters but not her. (Again, this is working on the assumption that he is not present or active in her life.)

I would like this topic to be discussed and understood among family and friends. I hope that everyone can be on the same page for Cote's sake. I want to protect her, but I also want her to be able to make her own decisions. I will protect her as much as I can, but I will not deny her the truth. I do not want her to resent me for keeping her from him.

I hope this makes sense. If not, lets discuss it!!